It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
