I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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