I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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