Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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