'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
