I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
