Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
