So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
