and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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