youre lurking in front of me
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
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