At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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