some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
