Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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