I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
