just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
