Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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