You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
is it fun? or sober?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
