Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
