True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
