I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
