Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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