don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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