Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
