I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
