She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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