Christians are straight up FREAKS
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
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