It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
