could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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