I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
