if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
