I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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