Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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