why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
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