yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
