and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
