"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
