she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
