Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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