i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
