I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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