My friends, they love my intelligence
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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