I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
