if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
