with your own penis?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
