if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
