Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
