i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
