I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
