You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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