why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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