i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
